How I was nervous, worried, and not really looking forward to it......
That was until 3pm, when the phone rang. It was the Family Daycare lady, pulling out. She has a sore back and can't have them, at all. Ever.
I cried. Seriously. Real tears flowed. Like.a.baby. I am not joking.
Obviously, I was looking forward to the day of respite, more than I even realised.
Mother of The Year award goes to me, because I cried at the mere thought of having to look after my own kids for a day.
Sure I was worried, they are VERY clingy at the moment, and I didn't know how they would go being with someone else, but thats the joy of twins, they would always have each other.
But... deep down, I was really REALLY looking forward to a little break, some time with my big girl (she wasn't going to daycare) , just one day a week, just us, until the baby is born and she goes to Kindy.
I was going to go to all the shops you can't with a whopping twin pram .
All the shops you can't with twins with go-go-gadget arms swiping he shelves of precious goodies.
I was going to do a food shop, and not have to worry if the twin trolley was there, or being used by some old chook as a walking frame!
I was going to scrap a little, and craft a little with my clever Miss 3.
I was going to have lunch with my Mother dearest, and eat my food hot, uninteruppted!!
I needed it, THEY needed it! Max and Lacey have become quite clingy lately, and I am worried that when the baby comes, it will only get worse, and I just won't have the time or energy to try and satisfy 3 clingy , needy babies.
Daycare was awesome for Stella, she learnt to be her own little person, without me. I want that for the twins.
But... now we are staying home, in tracksuit pants, and playing, cooking and cleaning. And its raining! meh
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| Just to make me feel worse, my kids are so cute!! Max has a new obsession with her Trike, and she was helping him ride it!! |
And I feel guilty. As all hell. For feeling so disappointed.
I love my kids, all of them. The twins are sooo precious.
But they wear me out, I am worn out. I am 26 weeks pregnant and worn out.
I am craving some "me" time , before we have baby #4, 4 kids under 3 and half , and the mere thought of selfish time, will be a vast memory.
If only my sister and I could convince our Mum to retire!! DO it Peta!! You work TOOOOOO hard!
Or if the MIL was a little more, hmmmm helpful, offering? I don't know.
The truth hurts , but thats why its the truth!!
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| Loving the winter sunshine, with her messy , gorgeous hair. |
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| Absolute CHEEK!! How are those teeth man!! |
So, there is my whinge.
A big one.
Sorry , but I needed it.
Call me Liz, Whining, grumpy Liz!!
And dont forget the Nanna Liz bit too!! ha
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I wonder why we feel guilty about needing time or things to be able to cope or to get by. No one not for one minute could doubt your insane amount of love for your little ones so don't feel the guilt. It is okay for you to need help/time I could never do what you do!! And Zoe is a wonderful child care worker/ babysitter:) Good luck xo
ReplyDeletefor starters you're not a bad mum, it's quite clear you're crazy about your kids, wanting a break is ok.
ReplyDeletesecondly you weren't crying because you had to look after them today, you were crying because your little light at the end of the tunnel went out. The time and effort to even coordinate care like this is huge and I understand how daunting it would feel to think you're back at square one.
And finally, I use my blog for the occasional whinge fest too, I actually find that by the time I've written it I actually feel a little relieved, consider it a perk!
Hope you wake up tomorrow feeling a little better than today.
Aw Liz I remember feeling just like this (altho it was only 2 under 3 yrs). I did end up getting Aimee in Daycare one day a week, and it helped me feel so much better, as much as I felt guilty leaving her everytime I remember that day I got my sanity back... even when Aimee started school I still put Jayden in one day a week too and had a whole day to myself!so don't feel guilty at all. I know for Greg it was important to have a happy wife and mother than a frazzled stressed one all the time. I hope you can still find someone to have the twins for you. xx
ReplyDeleteHugs. Hope you can get your respite.
ReplyDeleteAfter having PND with my first I def. understand how you need to have space from your kids.
Birdie