Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Tough days

Its been rather quiet around here lately.
Actually, I have been rather quiet lately.
I guess you could say, I have been struggling.
With what?
I don't even know myself. I wish I did. But really, its a number of things and when they stack on top of each other, it feels like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Perhaps I should have forewarned you that this post would be heavy. Sorry

I am not a depressive person. Never really have been. Always a glass half full kinda gal. Always have a little laugh to share and am generally a happy soul.
I like to think that those qualities are some of my best.
I am also extremely honest. Perhaps not my best.
A quality that is so longed for in a marriage or partnership, not so much in a friendship.
It seems that people don't want honest friends anymore.
They want puppets. Puppets on a string, that never say what they really think, never tell you how you have really made them feel, and never speak their mind when they, perhaps, don't agree with your opinion or point of view.

I think I am a good friend. Well at least I certainly hope I am.
I bake for catch ups, organise and invite for play dates (even if people don't reply or come) , cook meals friends in need, offer my services and help all the time and generally care about people.
And yet, all I can see when I look into their eyes , is hatred. Almost like, because I am such a strong person, that I can with stand anything, can be brushed aside, time and time again, and still be there when they can  spare the time for me.
There is nothing worse for the soul than being sickly nice to someone, day in , day out, only to have them hardly acknowledge you. Hardly bothering to even say hello.
That will teach you Liz , for being honest.
But I don't really want to change. I can't change. I am who I am, if only it would sit better with me.

Don't worry, I know I am not the best friend either. I am opinionated, honest and a strong personality.
But I try my best.

Not many of my friends read my blog. Bitter sweet really.
I feel like this is my little space, to share and express, but it would be nice for them to take an interest in something that is important to me.
Because this little space I have created, with all of you, I'll have you know, is my little sanctuary.

Does anyone ever feel this way?

Plus .... as a Mum, I am sure you will all be nodding along here, the days tend to roll into one. If you aren't cleaning, you are cooking. If you aren't playing, you are refereeing. If you aren't cuddling you are disciplining.
Some days are tough, actually most days are tough, but its such a wonderful experience to be able to watch and aid in you children's development and lives.
I guess I am still adjusting (its only taken 18 months) to be a full time, stay at home Mum. I am so used to having work, having the thing that I am good at. Having a creative outlet and some 'me' time. And work is 'me' time for a Mum.
Full time parenting doesn't have set start and finish times, its a never ending work day. There are no toilet breaks, no lunch breaks and you can't even play the music you want, the volume you want in the car!! Or if you do, you can't hear it for the whinging or jabbering from the 4 kids in the back!!

I know that nothing I am feeling, is any different than anyone else , any other mother, I am just putting it into words, and boy is it feeling good!

Raising children is hard work. They are little mess makers. They wear clothes that you have to wash and iron and then put away. They eat food you have to prepare, cook then clean up. They play with toys, make and build things and then you have to pack them away. Its never ending. But .... its life.

Sometimes its good to have a melt down, have a cry, take it out on your partner ( sorry love ) and then as a good friend, and very smart lady said to me " Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and come back better and brighter", and that is exactly what I intend to do.

Life for me is busy at the moment. We have our house on the market, impending inspections and home opens, offers on blocks happening, searching for that perfect house plan, 2 year old testing twins, a baby who has just had chicken pox and now croup. It all adds up, and quickly! Everything seems to happen at once.

So if you are at home, and feeling a little blue. Feeling like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, you are not alone. We are all in this together, and even when a Mum says she is fine and everything is wonderful, she would , in fact, be lying! ;)

And if you aren't feeling this way, you are lucky, but perhaps call or check in with that friend you haven't seen in a while, she may just need it x

Footnote: I am feeling much much better after my debrief here, no need to worry. Times like these happen. Call it character building, call it whinging. Either way, it makes the good days seem so much sunnier x


  1. Hello lovely,
    I honestly found myself nodding and relating almost entirely to your post upon reflection of my own life. You are most certainly not alone and rest assured things will and are going to be sunny again.
    I love your honesty and sharing of opinions, they make you, you.
    Sending lots of hugs and sunshine your way.

  2. Exactly how I feel!! You've taken the words straight from my mouth. Big love xo

  3. Oh Liz, its a cliche but true friends won't treat you that way...not really what you want to hear right now I know. You might just buy a block right next door to a great fun mum with a tribe of kids as well, fingers crossed! And yes, work is a walk in the park compared to some days as home with kids. Your doing an awesome job.

  4. Hello Liz

    I so wished you didn't live on the other side of the country :) I would look deeply into your eyes with admiration and loyalty and then give you a big huge hug and then sit you down to a big slice of cake xx I have loved getting to know you recently on IG and here and you are just the kind of person i would love as a friend cause you are so right friends, real friends are so hard to find. Much love and support from here xx Jane Mayall

  5. You are an amazing mother, amazing person and an amazing friend one I feel privileged to know well. Having sick children really really adds to what is already a stressful dally routine being a mama of many small children and having friends not be there for you makes it even worse.

    You will come back better and brighter, maybe a pedicure and coffee or two later ; ) xx

  6. I have been really feeling the weight lately and getting over run by the hum drum of life as a stay at hone Mum. It's so easy to feel like a failure some days and I really don't have any friends with kids who live in the same town as me. It makes me feel a bit better just knowing I am not the only one who feels this way. Thank you

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  8. I can completely relate to what you're saying. I had to take a little break from my own blog myself to just regroup.

    It seems as though people really don't want you to be honest. It all hit the wall with me when I wrote an honest post about my son and the troubles he's going through with anxiety. Within a few hours I had my MIL and my husband telling me to take it down. Why? Why the shame? I certainly don't see it that way. Being honest and talking about stuff is how we get through things.

    I'm glad that writing about it has helped you feel better.

  9. i have felt exactly this way this week, thank you for posting so I know I'm not alone!

    I have some great honest friends, but I also have "friends" like the ones you mentioned ... the ones who just dont care if you make an effort. And that hurts so much, especially if you're a mess, your house is trashed, but you have dragged yourself and the kids out just to keep that play date .... and then they don't even show. It hurts so much when you know you care so much more than they do. But I'm ok with that now, and I just focus on the good friends I do have :) even if they are few.

    This week I completely hit a wall in terms of the day to day at home life. I am lucky (in my opinion of course!) that I still work and get a break, but with my partner working long stints away, it just becomes very lonely at home. It sturck me today that he is coming home ... and I still havent managed to clean up some of the mess that was created when he was here last time!

    I always admire you Liz, this probably sounds creepy :) but you are a big source of inspiration for me. Whenever I feel like i cant do something, or I am too tired, I quite often remind myself "that Liz from Bizzy Days does all of this with 4 KIDS!" I only have one, and more than once, thinking this has given me that burst of motivation I needed.

    I love your blog, and I really hope writing this out, and reading the responses help to make you feel a bit better :) even if some people in your life don't appreciate the effort you go to, I know so many of your followers really appreciate the effort you put into your blog, and the inspiration you give us with each post :)

  10. Oh Liz, parenting is the most important and hard job that any of us has done. I am a one of those friends who ALWAYS reads your bog but never replies...BAD FRIEND!!

    But Liz, we all look at our lives and wish ours were different.. I look at you and am in awe at what you do. I HATE craft, my home is not beautiful like yours, and my sense of style, home decorating, etc is not even on a radar like yours. Be HAPPY with the way you are, you are beautiful, and you are right, we should have to worry about what others have and have not... Be happy in our own skin.. Parenting is meant to be about enjoying our kid lets and not trying to compete with other mums. Unfortunaley that is what I feel parenting has become..

    SOOOO hold your head high beautiful lady xxx you are doing an awesome job x

  11. I can so relate to needing work as 'me time'. I know that, for me, being at work and feeling productive makes me more able to focus on my children when I'm home and more able to laugh off the silly little frustrations ("really? you spilled your drink? Again?")

    But your babies are small and will be big soon! It won't last forever.

    Your 'friend' has done you a favour by outing themself (Thats not correct english, is it?! ) as not worth effort. Don't expend energy on them, save the time and energy for doing something for yourself, something that helps alleviate your frustrations and stress!


  12. I would so love to have a cuppa and a natter with you, shame I live in England!! Your friends must be absolutely mad to not show any interest in your blog or want to meet up. You are such an inspiration and I get really excited when a new blog post is added, you really are super mummy having 4 children so young and having a beautiful home and such wonderful values. Unfortunately people will disappoint and hurt you in life, its happened to me, but as much as it hurts you have to rise above it and it is their loss at the end of the day. Keep doing what you are doing hun, and like you always say, tomorrow is another day full of new opportunities :-) xxxx

  13. This is how I've been feeling of late too...LOST not knowing what to do....though I do wish I had some friends to call on finding it hard with kids to find them :)

  14. Thanks for this. With a 3 year old & 7 week old I had the day from hell Yeaterday & the night to follow. It was so timely to read this today as I did what your quote said, I got up & thought - today IS going to be a better day!!! Venting always makes it better but so good to hear someone the same. THANK YOU!!

  15. From someone who has left a small town and the best of the best friends, I've found it very hard to live day-by-day feeling alone and lonely. I have made friends here, awesome ladies, but it's just not the same. I get how much really good friends mean to you and how much you need them there. Especially when all you're looking for is a little support, a smile or a hug :)

    But trust me, you can get by just fine without them by your side. It's tough, more than tough sometimes, but like they say...what doesn't break you only makes you stronger :)

    So when I'm having a moment, a meltdown, a bad day...I really try to do just what you said to. Pick myself up, clear my head and remember just how lucky I am and how good life is for my little family. So many are not so lucky in life.

    And as for full-time Mummy gig? You're so right, never a smoko or lunch break. No sick days or holidays. But worth so much more than any paid job anyone could ever offer me!

    Glad you had a vent Liz, glad you're feeling better and sooo glad tomorrow's a new day for you xx

    1. Agreed, time with my kids is more precious to me than anything right now. I can get a job later!

  16. I can relate to those feelings. Im looking down the barrell of financial struggle as im leaving my job next week to be a SAHM to our 3 kids. My husband is desperate for a career change and its all feeling too hard right now. The $900 electricity bill we got today didnt help. Glad im not alone. Heres to happiness ladies! Life goes on and im sure things will work out as they always do :)

  17. I dont know if this mothering gig will ever be easy but it will get easier.
    Love Mumabulous

  18. The sun will come out again hun, sometimes it's just like us and needs a little time, Big Hugs from someone who has been there xx

  19. You would be an INCREDIBLE friend!

    If you gave half to your friends as what you give to your husband, & children, then they are very lucky friends indeed!

    It's hard to be honest these days, not many people can handle the truth.

    And it's unfortunate, because the truth really does set you free,


  20. You would be an INCREDIBLE friend!

    If you gave half to your friends as what you give to your husband, & children, then they are very lucky friends indeed!

    It's hard to be honest these days, not many people can handle the truth.

    And it's unfortunate, because the truth really does set you free,


  21. Don't change :). Some people value an honest reliable friend and they are damn hard to come by, so don't change a thing - unless YOU want to.

  22. Liz, YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE FRIEND!!!! I love your honesty!! Its hard to hear at times, but I wouldn't change it. I know our friendship has had its ups and downs, but we both know that our friendship is worth fighting for.
    You are one of the most amazing talented people I know and that's the honest truth!! I VALUE you. You are strong, even when you dont feel that way. You make brave changes for the better. Your loved for everything you are, even on the bad days. You are an inspiration. You are beautiful. And I LOVE YOU FRIEND!! My home is always open! Keep your heart soft gorgeous!! ALways here for you! xx

  23. Boy am I feeling u! I have been in a 'rut' for the last few weeks, feeling very isolated and lonely at home as Bill has started his own business and is working 12 hour days 6 days a week. Feeling like a single mum! Would love to go back to work but would hardly be worth it, and I want to watch my babies grow:) It is a hard job being a stay at home mama, people think it's all Oprah and chips on the couch! If only they knew. It can be a very isolating thing, that's why it's so important to have a strong network of friends who understand. So cut out the ones who don't deserve your time, because it would be better spent on your true friends! x

  24. I just found you through the Circle of Moms list (woo hoo for new reads) and I can relate to every. single. thing. you've. said. Actually, I published a very similar post about an hour ago. It's amazing how much lighter you feel once you hit that publish button, huh? Here's to happier days for us both! x

  25. Liz, I loved this post. I feel exactly the same way and could relate to almost everything that you had written. Lately I have been feeling very down due to friendships, due to the point of drained. And sadly I have decided to stop putting myself out there to be hurt. I have now chosen to be a little more guarded as I am so sick of the one being hurt. I too am always the one that cooks meals for others, baby sits their kids when they need a hand, buys surprise little pressies just to make them smile, sends heart warming messages to brighten their day but lately I feel like it's all a wast of time. I expect 100 percent honesty in a friendship so I don't think you should change that aspect of yourself at all. Lets be brave together. Thinking of you. Cassie xxxx

  26. I relate to everything in this post! Your far from alone and you know I'm just down the road if you ever want or need
    To get out of the house! Xx


Thankyou for taking the time to read and more importantly comment on my blog. They are all so appreciated! Liz x