On Sunday, when I was getting all emotional over our precious little 3 year olds going to Kindergarten this week for THREE FULL DAYS, I made a statement to my husband.
Whether it was to justify to myself , that my tears were warranted , or whether it was to wipe the smirk off his face as he stared at me crying hysterically. You see, he likes to laugh at me when I am crying over silly things. Men, meh!
The simple words "They don't need me anymore , I am redundant" slipped out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about the meaning of them. The reason behind them. And just how quickly it sprang to my mind.
I kinda got to thinking, in a very Carrie Bradshaw way. Complete with conversations with my inner self and everything.
Am I redundant?
Now that these 2 little people are at school for a few days a week, every week. Spending more time with their teachers on those days than me. Do they need me like they always have done? Like they have , right up until 8:10am on Monday morning?
Thankfully, my inner voice was kind. Yes, of course they do!!
Just because they are big Kindy kids, doesn't mean I am any less important. Doesn't mean they need , nor want me any less.
In fact, I think my role is a little more valuable now. They are going to rely and depend on me for much much more than they have for the past 3 and a half years of their little lives. Just like Stella has and does! (Could there be more to what I have been doing all these years? Surely not!!)
I am not only their Mum, I am all those boring things to them too - their organiser, maid, cook, cleaner, chauffeur , personal assistant etc.
But most importantly, I am their strength. I am the person they will turn to for advice. To answer their never ending barrage of questions. To give them a cuddle when they come home and tell me of that naughty kid in the playground that teased them.
I will have to pick them up when they are down, to dust them off and send them back out to do it all again. And hopefully they will grow and learn from each incidence. It will break my heart and make it ache to think that it is happening to my little baby, but that is life. Life can be cruel and we all need to learn by our own mistakes.
I am no longer their safety net. I can no longer control their surroundings and situations. I can no longer be with them each and every minute to protect them from the kids or people that will try and put them down.
And that is what scares me.
When I thought about it. That is what I was crying over.
Not the thought of them at school. Not the thought of them in their school uniforms (although that is totally gorgeous too!). Not the thought of having a few days without them ( its sad now but I know I will learn to love it!).
But more the fact that I am not redundant. This is only the beginning.....
I have been there and done it before. I have a daughter in Year 1 as well. And that is what made me so emotional.
Seeing her blossom and develop. To change and mature. Its overwhelming. And now we get the privilege of seeing it all happen with Max and Lacey.
My job is far from over. It is only the beginning ........
Every year in the lives of our children are important. And luckily, there are many many more to come.
Kids adjust to the change of environments and routines more than adults, it may take me a while but I will get there .
And every step of the way, I will be here. Just for when they need me , because I am lucky to be their Mum.